


This Sucks

by killerweasel



Series: Archangel of Embarrassment [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV Series)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29476629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: Gabriel is a bit confused as to how demons retrieve human souls.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: Archangel of Embarrassment [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720852
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	This Sucks

Title: This Sucks  
Fandom: Good Omens (TV Series)  
Characters: Beelzebub, Gabriel  
Pairings: Beelzebub/Gabriel  
Word Count: 300  
Rating: G  
A/N: After Episode 6  
Summary: Gabriel is a bit confused as to how demons retrieve human souls.

"When's the last time you sucked a soul out of someone's ass, Bee?"

The swallow of whiskey in Beelzebub's mouth goes down the wrong pipe and she chokes on it. After a few minutes of coughing, she's certain she'll be blowing it out of her nasal passages for a while, she stares at Gabriel in shock. "What in the ever loving _fuck_ did you just zzzay?"

Gabriel hiccups, swaying side to side on the bed. He doesn't notice Beelzebub's coughing fit. "I said, when demons have to retrieve human souls and the human is face down, do you suck it out of their asshole or do you have to roll them over first?"

Beelzebub blinks. It takes a moment for his words to sink in. When they do, a look of absolute disgust crosses her face. "Gabriel, what the Heaven are you going on about? Who sucks zzzouls out of asses? Don't you know what human bodies do when they zzztop functioning?" She shudders.

"But... I thought that was how you got them? That's what Sandalphon told me. Demons have to suck a human soul out of an orifice like a mouth and if they can't do that, then the other end is just fine." He finishes his glass and it tumbles from his fingers onto the floor. "I feel weird."

"Sandalphon is a moron." She shakes her head. "It just takes a touch. We do it the zzzame way you lot do. There's no sucking involved." Setting her glass down, she gives him a glare. "And just for that, nothing on you will be zzzucked tonight."

Gabriel flops onto his back with his eyes closed, hoping it will stop the room from spinning. It doesn't. "Oh, come on. That's not fair."

"Well, suck it up, Buttercup, life isn't fair."

**Author's Note:**

> Partly inspired by the soul-sucking mummy in [Bubba Ho-Tep](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa9331xmvhg)


End file.
